


La Douleur Exquise

by ravensandviolins



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Blood, Blood Bathing, F/M, Immortality, Kylo Ren / Reader - Freeform, Music, Past Lives, Possessive Kylo Ren, Protective Kylo Ren, kylo is a vampire, reader is a violinist, vampire, violin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-10-30 22:03:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10885821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravensandviolins/pseuds/ravensandviolins
Summary: La Douleur Exquise : The exquisite pain of wanting someone that you know that you can never have, and knowing that you will still try to be with them.Kylo Ren is a 300 year old vampire and a secret admirer of yours. You are an accomplished violinist, in 18th century Vienna. Little do you know, that your relationship to Kylo, spans three centuries involving immortality and your past lives.





	1. Chapter 1

You are an accomplished violinist, in 1748, Vienna. You found yourself with a secret admirer. Flowers, notes, champagne and expensive gourmet candies, along with other assorted ‘gifts,’ found there way into to your humble home.

At first, you were flattered at having this admirer, but it became a daily ritual to be besieged upon with gifts, some becoming more grand than others. The grander gifts always followed one of your performances at the little concert hall that you frequented, near your home.

When you took to the stage to give your performance, you tried to peer into the crowd all the while searching for said admirer. All of that went out of focus as you begin to play your violin. Closing your eyes, you were lost passionately in the music as you played and expressed your heart through those four strings.

You could surmise this is what drew your admirer to you, in the first place. You were complimented on your style of playing, how passionate and expressive you were during your performance. In short - you were the local celebrity of the time.

The most recent gift was the boldest - yet. A new violin and not just any violin. One so exquisite, with a rare (and you knew to be custom) crimson varnish; was gifted to you, by your admirer. It was breathtaking and you were speechless. It had to have cost a small fortune. Surely an instrument of this caliber, would. Included with the new violin, was a note written in elegant script …

‘Accept this as a token of my affection, for your abilities to make this instrument sing like no other. If you would do me the honor - have dinner with me, tonight. I will send a carriage to retrieve you at dusk, if you would be so kind to oblige me… forever your devoted admirer,

K.R.’ 

Your heart was beating faster than you could ever remember it to have beaten before. Everything was so sudden. Here, tonight, you would have the chance to confront your admirer. He had been pursuing you through gifts for a couple of months. While his attentions elated you in some ways, in others, the uncertainty of just what you were stepping into, or - whom you were getting yourself potentially involved with, stopped your heart nearly.

You took the note to your aunt Abby, who lived with you as she was the only family in which you had left; your parents having been deceased for nearly 5 years; both being victims of a consumption.

“I think you should do it, have dinner with this admirer!” Your aunt spoke lively. Abby was always free spirited and open minded and not prone to propriety when it comes to mingling with the opposite sex. She threw caution to the wind.

“He appears to be wealthy, just look at all the gifts he has bestowed upon you. He could improve your situation, immensely!”

“Yes, but, there’s more to love than wealth, aunt Abby.” You replied.

“Besides, what if he…” You hesitated. Your aunt cocked an eyebrow at you.

“What if he expects more in return, for his gifts and attention?”

Abby came to you and took you by your hands. “My dear girl! This man knows where you live, he knows where you play, if he had any ill intentions... I would think that he would have acted on them already.”

‘Not comforting.’ You thought to yourself.

“I’ll tell you what, I will ask the driver of the coach when he arrives, to give me the address that he is taking you to, in the event (although highly unlikely,) should misfortune befall you, yeah?” Your aunt chimed with a smile, nodding her head as if this was any measure of comfort to you.

You continued to wear your anxiety.

“Darling, think of this as the most romantic time in your life. A rich (and no doubt he will be handsome) man, is pursuing you on the scale the likes that ordinary women would trip over their skirts and stab you with the heel of their shoe, for!”

“Oh to be so optimistic.’ You thought. You gave your aunt a humorous smile.

“What if he isn’t attractive?” You quizzically asked aloud.

“Come dear. Its time to find you a pretty dress to wear.” Your aunt beckoned.

You chose to wear the finest gown in your possession. It was plum purple in color and made of silk, covered in an overlay of black lace. It cost you a mere mint. The bodice of the gown was tailored to fit your bust line and the skirt of the gown flared out over your hips, but not in the obnoxious ‘fashionable’ style of the time. This gown, was tailored to flatter your womanly shape without adding bulk to your form.

The carriage arrived at your doorstep, exactly at 7p.m. It was an imposing site. Clad in black, carved with ornate angelic decorations, with two large Friesian stallions pulling it. Maker, your admirer had dark, opulent taste.

The driver descended the carriage, while confirming your name as he helped you into the carriage, which was lined in a crimson velvet seating. Swiftly, as you were loaded into the carriage, the driver pulled off and not letting your aunt have time to inquire to where he was taking you. Your heart sank and panic began to bubble within you. You were being lead to maker knows where and thoughts began to beseech your mind, if you would even return from this night’s journey, into the unknown.

It was too dark to clearly make out the road, in which you were traveling. You were at the mercy of the coach driver. How long the ride took, you did not know. It seemed like an hour had to have passed, when the carriage abruptly came to a stop; jolting you back into the velvet seating.

“My lady.” The driver announced as he opened the carriage door, taking hold of your hand and helping you climb down from the carriage.

Before you, stood an opulent manor house. Clad in gray stone. The entry had arched wooden doors with black metal strap hinges, medieval in appearance. The driver walked you to the door, brusquely pushing against it for it was solid and heavy and it creaked as it slowly opened to his advances.

“Right this way, my lady.” He coaxed you into the manor.

You walked through a large entry hall that is opulent, fashioned in the Rococo style. Gilded with its shimmering gold accents. Everything was exquisite to your eyes, but something more exquisite was just about to appear.

“In here, my lady. Lord Ren is awaiting you.” The driver said as he ushered you into another room, behind gilded paneled doors.

As you cautiously walked through the open door, you found a dining room before you, set with a large rectangular table. It looked as though there was about to be a banquet for more than just an intimate setting of two people, dining tonight.

“Thank you, that will be all.” You hear the smooth, pleasing voice behind you, as it ushered away the driver. The door closed, as you turned around, to see the source of said voice.

You gasped slightly. Your eyes widening at the sight as your admirer stood there in all his glory. Clad in black silk, his tailored coat fitting his broad shoulders and chest with black lace accent ruffles flaring at the end of his coat sleeves with ornate silver buttons, paired with a red ornate patterned vest underneath the coat; narrow waist defined, with matching black silk pants that were full in length, despite the more cropped style of breeches being worn at the time. 

He was imposingly tall. Full lips that begged to be kissed; it was their birth right, you thought. His hair is wavy, dark, like onyx in which it fell shoulder length; that no man had a right to possess such locks of hair. His dark brown eyes were mesmerizing. His stare made you stand to attention, under their scrutiny. His angular face that is chiseled in all the right places, with his distinctive nose. He has a face built to be of the noble kind and yet, he had the face of someone very familiar, but yet, one you could not quite place. 

He was beyond beautiful. More so than any man had the right to be. It should be criminal and punishable by law, you humorlessly thought to yourself.

“I have to admit… I didn’t think that you would oblige me and come tonight.” He spoke directly at you, not breaking the stare of his eyes upon your body. “I am glad you proved me wrong.”

“I… I wasn’t so sure that I would come, to be honest.” You replied, nervously.

He quirked a smile at your reply. He moved closer, taking you by the hand and bringing his full lips against your soft skin, kissing your hand like the gentleman he wants to appear, while looking up into your eyes. Pulling up slightly, to better look at you, he inquires with a concerned look. “Why are your frightened, my darling?” He tilts his head to the side, slightly, looking at you quizzically.

“What makes you think that I’m afraid?” You shot back, trying not to look offended for being called out.

“I can feel you trembling and I can feel your pulse racing.” He indicated as he clasped your wrist, at your pulse point. You were still realizing that he was in possession of your hand.

You quickly pulled your hand away, slightly embarrassed that he was able to discern this revelation, just by his touch upon you.

“I’m a little nervous.” You confessed.

“Please, do not be afraid my darling, you are the most safest behind these walls and in my presence, than any other place in this entire world.” He stated, with honest conviction. You felt your knees slightly weaken by his bold, grandiose statement.

“Forgive me if I stare so blatantly and cause you unease. I am after all, just a man and its just that... I see that you are more beautiful even now that I am this close to you, than when I see you upon the stage. You look divine in that gown.” He added.

“Come, join me.” He motioned you to the table, breaking his spell of compliments over you. He pulled out the chair for you to be seated. Once you were seated, he took to the opposite side, seating himself directly in your line of view.

Quietly, a servant entered the room and brought you a plate of delicacies. There was a plate filled with various fruits. Many that were only available to the means of the wealthy - grapes, cherries and strawberries. 

“I wasn’t sure, just what you would enjoy. I brought in a variety to suit your palate.” He gestured, with a smile. You reciprocate his generosity with a warm, demure smile.

The servant poured you a glass of wine. The look on your face, your hesitancy to take to the glass, did not escape Kylo’s close observation of you.

“Is something the matter?” Kylo inquired.

“No… its just that I… I have never drank wine before.” Your cheeks flushed at your confession.

“Ah. I see.” He delighted in your innocent admission.

“Try a sip, see if you like it?”

You place the wine glass to your lips; Kylo, intently watching you and somehow deep down, you know he is lasciviously admiring your lips in his mind, how they form a perfect cupid’s bow and how pink they look from your embarrassment. You closed your eyes as you slightly tilted your head back, to take a swallow.

Kylo chuckled, upon seeing your face’s reaction to the wine’s taste.

“Its...its strong.” You tried to clear your throat as you spoke.

“It takes time, its an acquired taste.” Kylo assured you.

You startled abruptly as a loud clap of thunder shook the manor and lightning sharply lit up the window; knocking over your wine glass, spilling it onto the tablecloth.

“I’m so sorry!” You exclaimed, while hastily trying to wipe up the spilled wine. Kylo was beside you instantly, taking your hands into his. “Don’t worry, darling.” He looked down into your eyes, holding his gazing.

“It looks like there is a storm coming.” He related.

“I should get home, my aunt will worry about me.” You slightly panic, in your tone.

“My sweet darling, I can not allow you to go out into this weather. Its far too dangerous to travel in these conditions. You will stay here, where its safe and dry.”

You stood there, stunned, by his blatant direct ordering.

“Come now, I will have a room prepared for you, with a maiden to attend to your needs.” Kylo stated, as he placed his hand at the small of your back and gestured for you to walk alongside of him.

“I really should go home.” You implored again, for his understanding.

“Shhh.” Was all he said to silence you, in a whisper against your ear.

“I’m not feeling so well. I have a headache. I think it was the wine. I feel a little dizzy.”

“I have something that will help you sleep, my darling. In this condition, you shouldn’t be sloshed around, riding in a carriage. Now come. I will not hear another word of your defiance.” Kylo peered down at you, with a grin.

“At least, oblige me with your name before this night ends, dear admirer.” You innocently cooed, returning his gaze.

He smiled at your request. “Kylo Ren.”

Kylo ushered you to another opulent paneled door, opening it up to you. you saw blue as far as your eye could see. It was breathtaking. In the center of the room sat a matching colored, fully enclosed canopy bed. Three large candelabras that made a half arc a few feet away, around the foot of the bed, burned brightly with candles while illuminating the room. Kylo took you by the hand and led you to the bed.

“A servant shall be with you shortly. She will provide you with a nightgown. I will fetch your sleeping aid, now.” Kylo started to walk away to retrieve the medicine, when you called out to him and he turned back around to face you.

“Kylo. Thank you for the violin. It is magnificently beautiful and I will treasure it.” You smiled innocently at him.

“Anything that pleases you.” He replied and smiled back at you, then turned and retreated from the room. You sat there, feeling overwhelmed with tonight's activities. How could you have been so lucky to land the attentions of Kylo Ren? Your head was spinning at what it all meant.

By the time you finished collecting your thoughts, Kylo had returned, with a cup of tea. Handing it to you, you started to pull the cup up to your lips, but paused. “What is this, again?” You questioned.

“A very low dose of laudanum in some tea. It will help you sleep through the night.” He assured you.

“Please, trust me.” His soft looking brown eyes stared at you, knowing you were hesitant to take a sip of the night time elixir. In response, you took a large sip of the tea and smiled at him. He reciprocated with an own smile of satisfaction.

Almost instantly, your vision started to go fuzzy. You were very relaxed and your speech now becoming slurred.

“Lay back on the bed, my darling.” You heard Kylo instruct, gently.

You started to ramble incoherently.

“Shhh. You won’t feel a thing, I’ll see to it.” You heard Kylo’s voice, but it sounded like he was talking to you from a distance.

Through blurry vision, you watch as Kylo took hold of your arm pulling it off to the side of the bed. You then felt a sharp stabbing prick at your wrist. You winced, but the pain quickly subsided as quickly as it had occurred.

Several seconds later, you vaguely felt as Kylo brought his lips against your wrist as if sealing it with a kiss as he then placed your arm, folded across your stomach, now pulling the covers over your body. “Sleep my precious darling, you’ll feel better in the morning. I know we both will.”

With that, you watched the hazy figure of Kylo, depart from your room and darkness descended upon your eyes.

While you slept soundly, in the next room beside yours, Kylo lowered himself into the large filled oval-shaped ceramic bathtub, surrounded by various sizes of candles that encompassed the base of the tub. He let your collected blood drip from the vial into the bathtub, coloring the water with your crimson stain. He immersed himself into your life’s essence, inhaling your scent and becoming instantly aroused and on the verge of orgasming by this immersion; just from simply being bathed in your blood. It was intoxicating and the closer Kylo could be to you, the better it was for him, for his body longingly ached for your reunification. 

Reemerging from the blood soak, he took hold of the wine glass that you had previously sipped from, at dinner, filling it with the remaining portion of your blood. Tilting his head back to rest on the curved edge of the bathtub, blood stained water droplets rained down from his locks of hair onto the tiled floor, pooling into a crimson puddle. He took a drink from the wine glass, letting your blood sit and pool on his tongue, while savoring the taste of you before he swallowed. A little portion of your blood had dripped from the side of his mouth. Kylo closed his eyes and released a loud sigh and then licked his lips, slowly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Return to me...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wish to have some beautiful, atmospheric music to read along to, I recommend Arlene Faith's violin piece - "Return To Me"
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmP8Yr17lrs

Kylo’s large, masculine hands, slid up and down your thighs as you straddled him in his bed. He stared at you intently. Your eyes were closed and you were playing your violin as you slowly rode him. His hands alternated between touching your thighs to touching your belly; rubbing your skin, warming it under his caressing strokes. When his thrusting pace picked up, he took hold of your hips, holding you steady, keeping his sexual rhythm in time with your playing. 

Kylo’s steady breathing provided the background beat, to your playing. The faster you bowed the strings, the faster Kylo would thrust. 

“That’s it my love, play for me - don’t stop.” Kylo breathlessly moaned from underneath you.

You were reaching your finale when suddenly…

You bolted upright in the bed. You were covered in a thin sheen of sweat, trying to catch your breath. You were just dreaming, you realized, thankfully. Your body was feeling hot and flushed from your erotic dream. You looked around and realized, that you were still at Kylo’s home. You couldn’t remember much after the dinner, the storm had suddenly arose and Kylo insisted that you stay the night, until the storm had subsided. 

Everything else, is pretty much a haze beyond that point. You are not even sure how, or whom, for that matter, placed you in the white cotton nightgown, that you were finding yourself now wearing. Was it a servant who had helped you change? Surely Kylo did not undress you?

You blushed at the thought. The dream rattled you; could you face Kylo, right now?

You heard a rasp at the door. Instinctively, you pulled the covers up to your chest, before granting permission for entry.

“My lady, you’re awake. Good. I’m here to serve you. My name is Jessa.” The female servant introduced.

“Thank you, Jessa.”

Jessa walked towards the bed, and you, eyeing that she was carrying some cloth material in her hands.

“Lord Ren has instructed me to provide you with a change of clothing, before your departure.”

Jess unfurled the simple blue linen dress, before your eyes.

“Thank you.” You replied.

“Where is Lord Ren?” You inquired.

Jessa began to help you remove your nightgown.

“Lord Ren is away on business for the day, however, he has left a correspondence, for you.”

Jessa helped you slip on the blue dress. Once she was satisfied with the fit of the dress, having smoothed out any wrinkles in the fabric, she pulled Kylo’s note from her pocket and handed to you.

You quickly opened the envelope and pulled the letter from its encasing.

 

‘Return to me, tonight. Play for me?

K.R.’

 

Your eyes widened, flashing back to that scene, that moment in your dream. Your cheeks flushed.

“Are you alright, my lady?” Jessa asked of you.

“Yes. Yes of course.” You quickly replied, feigning a smile at the servant.

“Come, my lady, the carriage awaits to take you home.”

Jessa escorted you to the carriage. Awaiting your arrival, was the driver from last night.

“My lady, will you be returning tonight? Lord Ren instructed me to inquire for your answer?”

You hesitated, still feeling heady. The driver stood there, patiently awaiting your response.

“Yes, yes I will return.”

With that, the driver helped you board the carriage, and you were swiftly on your way, back to your home.

***

As soon as the carriage pulled up, in front of your home, your aunt Abby came rushing out to greet you.

“Dearest, where have you been?” Abby spoke excitedly.

“Lord Ren bade me to stay the night. A storm suddenly arose and he felt it unsafe for me to travel in it.”

Abby looked at you, quizzically.

“My dear, you do not have to lie to your dear auntie.” She professed, with a wicked smile and a wink of her eye.

“Aunt Abby, please, can we not speak of this in public?” You scolded your aunt, signaling with your eyes and a nod of your head, toward the driver, who stood a mere few feet away from the two of you.

Your aunt continued to grin.

“My lady, if I may interject for a moment, Lord Ren wishes for me to receive you at the same time, as last night.”

“I understand.” You replied. With that, the driver boarded the carriage and took off.

Abby laced her arm around yours, escorting you inside your home.

“My dear, look at you, returning home in a different dress!” She happily chimed.

“Abby!” Her implied insinuation jolted you.

“It was not… it is not like that!”

“Whatever you say my dear. A storm.” She scoffed, then chuckled.

“Why are you looking at me, like I have no senses left?”

“Darling, look around, it did not rain nor storm last night.”

Suddenly, you felt dizzy and flushed and more confused than ever.

“Look at the streets, do you see any mud? It did not rain last night.” Abby reiterated.

“So, tell me about your admirer.” Abby’s eyes blazed at you.

“He’s… He’s quite the gentleman.. I suppose.” Still confused by your conversation with your aunt.

“You suppose?”

“He was kind and obliging. He wants to see me, again, tonight.”

With that, Abby clapped her hands with approval.

“What does he look like?” Abby was much too eager, for her own good.

“He’s beautiful, Abby. I cannot deny him of that appropriation.”

Abby’s mouth formed an ‘O’ as her eyes widened.

“And his home, how palatial is it?”

“Abby!”

“What? You deserve the finer things in life, don’t undersell yourself, girl!” Abby retorted.

“He’s a Lord, Abby. Its quite opulent and quite palatial. You would definitely approve.”

Abby grinned a devil’s grin.

“Well, go on now, what’s your admirer’s name?”

“Lord Kylo Ren.”

“Hmm. Kylo? Interesting name, never heard it before, but hey, he’s rich and as you say, beautiful… so, learn to love it rolling off your tongue, especially while in the bedroom!” Abby delightfully jested.

“Abby!” You chided her name through gritted teeth.

Oh how your aunt loved to goad you on.

“I have no more time for this. I have to prepare for tonight.” You stated.

“Yes you do my child, indeed you do.” Abby grinned famously, once again.

***

Waiting for the carriage to arrive, you tried to still your anxious nerves. Your mind was still reeling, still trying to process the events of last night. How much was certain and how much was just a dream? If it had not stormed, as your aunt had stated as much, what events led up to Kylo insisting that you stay the night, for your own safety and comfort? He had given you a sleeping aid, had he not? Did he purposefully drug you? What was real and what was false reality?

The more you thought, the more you wanted to back out of Kylo’s invitation to return to his home, tonight.

Time ticked by and before you knew it, a knock came at your door. The carriage was here to claim you. You carried the violin that Kylo had gifted you, for tonight's performance. You had practiced the day away, with your original works, that you had composed. Somehow, there was a deeply seeded need to impress your admirer with your music, like never before. You found yourself more nervous than ever, more so than when you performed in front of a large crowd, at the concert hall… but now, being singled out, with just this imposing man as your solitary audience, stage fright was starting to claim you. 

During the ride to Kylo’s, you focused on admiring the violin that he had gifted you. It was still such a grand gesture, these instruments were not cheap, and even though he is not hurting for money, it was still an astounding move on his part to gift you something like this. You couldn’t help but notice how this crimson violin perfectly fit in your hands, like it was custom made for your body. How could Kylo had known, having never seen you in person, up close, before? Perhaps, you thought to yourself, that it was just a lucky guess on his part.

The crimson color of the violin’s varnish, captivated you. You knew that luthiers’ held their varnish recipes a secret, and you knew there were red tones in some violins, but this, this was bolder and possibly the only one of its kind. Absurdly, your mind flitted to the thought that the varnish was stained with blood, to bring out such a crimson tone. You shook your head at the preposterous thought of a blood stained violin.

***

When the carriage arrived at Kylo’s manor, you were once again ushered into the home, by the driver. This time, he led you to a smaller, more intimate sitting room, off to the left wing, of the great hall. The room was toned down in regards to opulence, the walls were painted a vibrant shade of red, it radiated warmth and strangely invoking a feeling of passion. The walls were paneled with moulding, no opulent decorations or carvings adorned this room, like the other rooms had, in the manor. Four, black plush velvet wingback chairs, sat in a semi-circle arc, in the center of the room.

“Lord Ren will be here shortly, my lady.” You heard the servant inform you, as he backed his way out of the doorway, in a bowing gesture.

You seated yourself in one of the wingback chairs, holding your violin, readying it for your private performance. 

When Kylo entered the room, your mouth slightly, fell open. He was picturesque. His hair was still wet and extra wavy from the wetness, indicating he had just finished bathing. You were surprisingly taken aback, by how informal his attire was, how he was remarkably dressed down. He was wearing a simple outfit of black linen pants and a matching peasant style linen shirt, that laced up at the chest, partially revealing his chest. Whether dressed like the Lord that he is, or as a pauper, Kylo always stunned.

You quickly diverted your eyes back to your violin. Illicit thoughts raced through your mind, about Kylo’s simple, but sultry, appearance. Stilling yourself, you had to pull yourself together.

“Forgive me, for keeping you waiting.” Kylo offered.

You replied with a nod of your head and a smile.

“I trust you slept well, last night?” He pressed on.

“Yes, my Lord. Thank you, for the change of clothing.”

“You’re welcome. And please, stop with the formalities, you know my name.” He amusingly quipped, with a grin.

“I had the maid send your gown out to be laundered, it will be sent over to your home when ready, which should be by the end of tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” You said, with a light blush forming on your cheeks, at his thoughtfulness.

“Look at you my darling, blue really suits you.” Kylo gestured to the dress, that he had provided you with, to wear home, that morning.

“Thank you. Blue is my favorite color.”

“Oh good, I chose correctly, then.” He smiled, pleasingly. Of course he chose well, for Kylo knows everything that there is to know, about you.

“Please, lets not delay any further… play for me, my darling.”

With that, your mind started to spin, flashbacks of your morning dream, danced swiftly through your mind.

“Something the matter?” Kylo jutted his pouty lips and shook his head quizzically.

“No, no. I’m alright. I just…” you trailed off.

Kylo was looking at you intently.

“I’ve never played for a single person before. I’m a little nervous.”

“Poppycock!” Kylo bluntly exclaimed. Your eyes widening at his response.

“You’re the best violinist in Vienna, you have nothing to be nervous about. Please do not tell me, that I make you nervous?” Kylo look genuinely exasperated by this revelation.

You let out a breathy laugh. But indeed, Kylo Ren did make you nervous, but, in your defense, for all the right reasons.

You decided to take control of the situation and quipped back a flirty reply.

“I’m under pressure to live up to my Lord admirer’s expectations.” You flashed a demure smile at Kylo.

For a split second, you could of sworn you took him off guard, and he stilled instantly upon hearing your reply.

Kylo’s eyes went downcast to the floor and suddenly darted back up to seize your gaze, holding your attention to him. “My sweet love, do as you do, while performing on stage, close your eyes and feel the music and let nothing else stand in your way.” His voice was smooth like velvet. 

“What shall I play, for you?” You asked of him.

“Whatever you’re willing to give me.” Kylo stood there, directly staring into your eyes. You swallowed hard.

Kylo seated himself in one of the chairs, while you now stood in the midst of the arc of chairs. It was so intimate, this private performance, just you and Kylo, in this smoldering red room. Was it just the coloring that incited the heat that was radiating in your body, or was it the close proximity to Kylo? You did not know, but, you resigned yourself to push those thoughts aside and focus on your performance.

Positioning your violin in place; as you stood there, Kylo looking directly at you, knowing his eyes would be searing your every movement, you closed your eyes and begin to play. 

You chose a composition that, in fact, Kylo had inspired, when he was just known as your secret admirer.

As you played, Kylo started to stir in his chair, as if he recognized this melody being played. His eyes drifted across you longingly as if something was invoked within him, something long lying dormant. Like a beast being subdued, yet, also aroused, to these pleasing notes that your fingers elegantly danced out, along the strings.

Even with your eyes closed, you somehow knew, could feel, that Kylo was circling you, as you played. You don’t know how you managed to continue and not miss a note, perhaps, muscle memory, but the notion of Kylo, circling you, like a predator sizing up its prey, this thought sent thrilling chills through your body. This man was enraptured by you, and it was heady.

You felt Kylo, now standing behind you, his right arm coming to snake around your waist. “Don’t stop” He quickly commanded, as you started to slow your bowing pace, while feeling his touch.

You played on, as Kylo urged you to, as he pressed against you. He is intimidating, his sheer size, to be enswathed by him, you clearly had no control if control was ever needed.

His right arm continued to possess your waist, as his left hand rest in the center of your back, taking care not to hinder your arms from bowing. Kylo was feeling your shoulder and upper back muscles flex, as you shifted while playing.

“I could listen to this for eternity.” Kylo breathlessly whispered against your left ear, while resting his chin upon your shoulder. His words laced with implied desire.

Suddenly, while feeling Kylo’s right hand slink down to your upper thigh and back to your belly, the flashbacks of your dream were made alive, you dropped your bow and the room filled with a dead silence.

Your breathing was labored. You opened your eyes and there was Kylo’s face, just a hair’s width from yours, his brown eyes taking control, you quickly noticed his full lips seem to jut out towards yours, seeking, begging to be taken against your mouth. His stance was intense, to give meaning to the saying ‘in your face’ was an understatement. Kylo wanted to consume you, body and soul.

“You remembered something, haven’t you?” Kylo spoke with eagerness, against your lips, never wavering his intense locking stare, into your eyes.

“This isn't the first time, that you have played this for me.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its all coming back now... slowly...

Kylo helped you to one of the chairs, as your mind reeled from his comment.

“What do you mean, that this isn’t the first time, that I have played that for you?”

Kylo, now kneeling in front of you, lowered his head and sighed.

I want to tell you everything… at first, I was hoping you would remember, that the memories would gradually resurface. I think something has, given your current reaction. I’m not sure you’re ready for the these revelations.

With that, your heart raced with rampant panic.

“I can show you, if, you promise to remain levelheaded. In the past, it hasn’t always gone over, so well, with you.”

This statement confused you even more.

“Bloody hell, Kylo! What is this all about? I’m so confused.” You shook your head, dazed and starting to feel a tad manic.

Kylo took hold of the crimson violin, that you clutched in your hand and gently laid it on vacant chair beside you, now taking your hands into his and pulling you to your feet. “Come with me, I will show you.” He beckoned.

Kylo led you to the back of the manor, into a lavish, stonewall room. It looked like something out of a castle, and eerily familiar, yet, you know that you have never been in this room, prior. Or so you thought.

When you entered the room, you gasped. It was filled with assorted trinkets and belongings, those specifically belonging to that of a woman. There, in the center of the room, stood a wire dress form, wearing what appeared to be a bridal gown. It was antique, that much you could deduce, it was delicate and aged in coloring; the delicate fabric having turned an antique cream color with age.

A dark wooden armoire, standing in the corner of the room with an open door, held various dresses. On an opulent table, set an ornate carved box, with jewelry inside, and jewelry pieces strewn atop of the table.

You knew this was some kind of shrine, but what where the intentions for said shrine? Your heart raced.

“Does any of this… do any of these possessions, mean anything to you?”

You stared intently at the contents of the room, more focus being given to the bridal gown.

“The room feels familiar… but the rest... they’re just material goods.”

Kylo frowned. “Very well…”

Kylo left your side, you watched him walk over to the dark armoire, pulling open the bottom drawer, reaching down into it, he retrieved some papers, a few pieces of parchment, you could make out.

Returning to where you stood, Kylo placed the parchment papers into your hand, and gazed at you longingly.

Looking over the papers, you instantly saw that it was handwritten sheet music.

“Look closer.” Kylo bid you.

You narrowed your eyes in the dimly lit room, and you gasped at the recognition.

“How did you get this?” You demanded, exacerbated in tone.

You were holding the sheet music of the tune, that you had previously played for Kylo, only, the notes were written in another’s script and not your own… at least, not in your script from this lifetime. The title of the piece is ‘My Darling, Ky.’ 

"You composed this for me, for our wedding night. You used to call me simply as ‘Ky.’ Unless of course, when you where mad at me, then….” Kylo trailed off, trying to interject some humor to ease the tense situation.

Your mouth fell open, you struggled to intake a breath.

“I did what?” You refused to believe what you were just told, by Kylo.

“That gown...” Kylo pointed to the bridal gown... “that was your wedding gown, when we were married in 1448.”

Your knees buckled, sending you kneeling to the cold stone floor. Kylo, swiftly coming behind you, with his hands protectively embracing your arms. You steadied yourself there, the cold stone pressing into your knees and now your hands.

“I know it is much for you to consider, but my darling, I tell you only the truth.” Kylo offered you.

“This is absurd and impossible. And I thought I was the one going mad.” You quipped, as you shook your head.

Kylo sighed heavily.

“I have been with you through every one of your reincarnations. These items, they all belonged to you, from your previous lives.” Kylo was kneeling down, softly speaking into your ear, as he continued to embrace you from behind.

You chuckled a little, finding it all that Kylo was telling you - absurd.

“Tell me what you remember. I know there was something that has stirred your awakening.” Kylo implored you.

You stalled, thinking about the dream, recalling now, more details surfacing, how, looking back at the surroundings in the dream, the bed in which the two of you laid on, how it looked identical to the one in this stone room.

“I… I… don’t know… it was just a dream.” You answered, speaking unsure of yourself.

“Share it with me, please.” Kylo asked of you, and you suddenly felt less vulnerable, at his request.

“This morning… I woke up to a dream… a dream about us…” you trailed off, your cheeks blushing by your oncoming confession.

“Please forgive… in the dream we were making love, I was atop you, playing my violin while you…” Kylo cut you off, taking his hand and pressing it to your cheek, cupping it in his large hand, he softly brought his mouth against yours. The rush of his lips pressing against yours, made you lightheaded.

When Kylo pulled away from your mouth, he looked into your eyes with warm affection in those brown depths. “That wasn’t a dream, my darling love.”

Your lips, having fallen slightly apart, stared at Kylo with wonderment.

“That was the memory of our wedding night.” Kylo confessed to you.

Kylo pulled you closer, as you both continued to kneel on the stone floor, now moving both of his hands onto either side of your neck, he leaned in to speak softly into your ear

“You were very nervous that night.” Kylo pulled away from you slightly, and smiled at you, as he looked you in the eyes. “I told you to close your eyes and just play, and everything would be alright, as long as the music played.”

Tears started to stream down your cheeks, after realizing why you felt the emotions that you felt, while in the sitting room.

“Come.” Kylo stood, reaching his hands down, to help you up to your feet. Kylo escorted you over to the bed. He sat down at the edge of the bed, indicating for you to join beside him.

“But how are you… how do you remember, whereas I don’t seem to?” You asked him.

Kylo’s face took on an expression that seemed to pain him.

“I’m immortal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously I am not aiming for historical accuracy, as it has been said that the modern four-string violins that we know today, were introduced in the 1500's, but since this is a work of fiction, for the story's sake, they were around in the 1400's :0]


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo wants to come undone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to Duran Duran's song - "Come Undone" while I was typing this chapter...
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zen3-OLjTGg

 You awoke to find yourself once again, in the blue room. A single candle dimly provided enough light to become aware of your surroundings. Was it just another dream, another flight of fancy? You mustered the strength to pull yourself off of the bed. The door to your room was slightly ajar and you could hear the faint haunting melody coming from a pianoforte. Curious, you decided to follow the sound.

It lead you to the upstairs flooring of the manor to places where you had yet, to explore. The music grew louder and you realized it was coming from the room, at the very end of the long hall.

Stealthily, you crept to the partially opened door and peeked around the side of the door. The site that met your eyes was glorious.

You knew this was to be Kylo’s bedroom. The room was spacious and adorned in all the elegance of gilded designs of the Rococo style against white paneled walls, so magnificent in its grandeur, that you would have sworn that it was a room straight out of Versailles. Another large canopy bed set near a wall, with lush gold colored flowing drapery, for the enclosed canopy portion. You would have though that Kylo’s bedroom would have been adorned in rich reds or darker shades; not the shiny gilding in which it was clad.

To the right of the room, Kylo sat at a decorative pianoforte. His eyes were closed and he was shirtless, wearing only simple black linen pants while he played away, bearing his soul through his music. The pianoforte sat slightly to the side of some doubled french style doors, that were opened outward to a balcony and illuminating Kylo at the piano, was the light of the moon’s silvery rays, providing a picturesque backdrop.

You were overwhelmed with the site of Kylo. Suddenly, you realized this is how he must have perceived you, when you played your violin. You watched as Kylo’s shoulders and arms flexed, as his hands stroked the keys of the pianoforte. The melody haunted you. Kylo played with such expression, such passion, in the way he tempered his fingers against the keys. You saw his lips slightly quiver and twitch upward when Kylo was playing more expressively on certain notes.

Kylo caught site of your intrusion, you watched him as a half smirk raised up on the left side of his mouth, with his eyes flickering open and then closing, ensuring enough to acknowledge your presence, before re-immersing himself into his playing.

When did Kylo become a musician? You wondered.

“Come, sit with me.” Kylo beckoned you as he swiftly glanced up at you in the eyes and then just a swiftly closing his eyes once again, to display only his dark fluttering eyelashes.

Carefully, you walked over to the pianoforte and seated yourself alongside Kylo. Sitting there watching him play, it left you breathless. Something about the way this imposing man, how he was birthing the most melodious, somber piece of music to have graced your ears - stole your heart right out from under you. You admired him more than ever in this moment.

When Kylo reached the music’s coda, you turned to him to gaze in wonderment.

“Who is the composer of this piece?” You eagerly inquired.

“I am, darling.” Kylo grinned.

“What is its title?”

“La Douleur Exquise.” Kylo whispered into your ear, the sound of him speaking French left you a bit heady as you could feel his full lips speaking against your ear.

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak much French.” You smiled. “What inspired this piece?”

“You.”

“Moi?” You jested him. “What does it mean?”

“La Douleur Exquise - the exquisite pain.”

“Are you saying, that I am a pain?” You tried not to sound humorlessly offended.

“It is an exquisite pain that I feel, going through these lifetimes, watching, waiting, longing to belong to you and have you accept me once again.”

Your breath hitched. You were speechless by his declaration.

“I’m sorry if I woke you, with my playing. Earlier, you blacked out when I told you what I am.” Kylo look at you wearily, with uncertainty.

“Its just so overwhelming Kylo, there’s so much to process. I often fear I am losing my mind and can’t decipher true reality.”

“You need to rest. You need time, to come to terms. I think it is wise if you stay here, as you become more familiar. I have sent a correspondence to your aunt to let her know that you are in safe keeping. She may visit, if she feels the need to see that you are indeed - safe.”

“Come now, I will escort you back to your bed.”

Kylo walked you back down to the blue room. He helped you into bed. Before he could turn to walk away, you beckoned him.

“Kylo, how long have you played the pianoforte?”

“When you have nothing but time on your hands, you learn a new skill or two.” He softly quipped, giving you an earnest grin with a wink of his eye.

****

The very next evening, you found yourself standing in the stone room, once again. Curiosity got the better of you. Kylo silently stood watch in the doorway, watching for any reaction from your scrutiny of the room’s possessions.

This room is a replica, from our bedroom in England when we were married.” You heard Kylo inform.

“Kylo, start from the beginning. I want to know everything.” You turned facing him, locking in your gaze.

Kylo hesitated. “Come, let me show you something…” He trailed off, indicating for you to follow him.

Kylo walked over to a corner in the room. Against the stone wall was a large, tall (about as tall as you stood) rectangular object, covered in fabric for protection. Kylo carefully lifted the cloth veil to reveal a painting. A painting encased in an ornately gilded, hand-carved wooden frame, depicting Kylo and a woman whom eerily bore your current resemblance, only that her hair was a couple of shades darker.

Instantly, you recognized the bridal gown that sat on the dress form in the room, that the woman in the painting was depicted wearing the exact same gown. This was yours and Kylo’s wedding portrait. It was unbelievable and yet, not so unbelievable. For you, you saw the ravages of time across the painting, how the oils had created antique thin crackling in the painting.

“That was the happiest day of my entire existence.” Kylo stated.

You smiled at Kylo, but it was a feigning smile. Kylo detected that there was some apprehension... some unspoken tension.

Kylo departed from your side as you watched him walk over to the ornate table in which the jewelry pieces laid upon. You watched as he fetched a piece from one of the carved boxes.

Returning to where you stood, Kylo knelt down to one knee before you, taking your left hand and holding onto a ring with his other hand, he proceeded to slip on a rather generous sized oval sapphire ring, upon your ring finger.

“Kylo.” You said his name breathlessly.

You turned to look at the painting again, noticing the ring the woman wore in the painting. It was the exact same ring, that Kylo had just placed upon your finger.

“This is its rightful place.” Kylo indicated to the sapphire ring.

Taking hold of your hand, Kylo lead you over to the bed. You sat at the edge, feeling overwhelmed by his intimate gesture. Taking to one knee again, Kylo stilled himself between your legs, peering hopeful into your eyes, the brownness almost begging for something.

“I have one request and then I will answer all of your questions... from beginning to end.”

“What is your request?”

Kylo moved forward to softly take you by the mouth. “Love me once more, as my wife, even if it is just for this one night.” He pulled away, holding his stare, his eyes searching yours, a mixture of emotions conveying - hope, fear of rejection, longing, undying love.

Your mouth slightly parted. “Let me love you.” Kylo brushed his lips against yours as he spoke his sentiment.

You closed your eyes as Kylo carefully tread, carefully kissed softly down the side of your neck, wanting to bewitch you into submitting to his desires. “Please don’t deny me, I’ve been alone for far too long. We both need this.”

Kylo was coaxing your dress off of your body, unlacing the back of the bodice, freeing your breasts from its corseted confinement. You stood there as Kylo shimmied the dress to a pool of fabric on the floor, at your feet.

Kylo sat on the edge of the bed and took you into his lap. He bid you to straddle his thighs, while facing him. You blushed, having never before been seen naked by a man, in this lifetime. Knowing that Kylo was your former husband still did nothing to calm your nerves nor did it wash away the nervousness of being laid bare.

Kylo sensed your apprehension. He kissed you gently, caressing his hands up and down your back and across your shoulder blades. Pulling your long hair aside, his right hand cupped the side of your neck as he kissed along your jawline.

Your eyes fluttered at his touching. His breath bathed over your delicate skin, ticking against your ear and little, short pants against your mouth, when he sought refuge through your lips.

Both hands came to caress the tops of your thighs as his mouth continued to latch onto yours, while his kisses are increasing fervently.

Soft moans escaped his mouth into yours. You snaked your arms around his shoulders, wanting to hold on, wanting him to guide you through this passionate meeting of your bodies.

At the foot of the bed laid the crimson violin, with bow.

“Close your eyes, darling.” Kylo bid you.

Kylo took hold of the bow in his right hand while his left hand held you at the small of your back as you sat up straight, like an arrow, atop his thighs.

Kylo faintly pressed his lips against yours when you felt a ferocious tickling sensation against your back as Kylo was bowing your backside. Your giggled after you let out a few high pitched ‘aaahhs,’ realizing just what the devil he was doing.

“You’re not the only one who can coax high notes with this stick.” Kylo quipped against your open mouth with a grin.

You shifted on his lap, feeling the bulge in his linen pants. You stilled yourself, hoping he did not realize your discovery of his hard to ignore arousal.

As if reading your mind, Kylo whispers to you… “ we’ll go slow and I will be gentle.” He looks into your eyes, reassuring you. You nod your head in acknowledgment.

Kylo stands, positioning your legs, guiding them to wrap around his waist as he turns you around and gently lays you down onto the bed, moving between your legs.

His hand is on your belly softly rubbing you there as he leans over you to kiss you and to tell you… “Do not be startled by the amount of blood, afterwards.” Kylo’s hand now pulls away from your cheek, as he looks into your eyes for confirmation.

You nod your head, understanding.

Kylo is kissing you passionately, seizing your lips. You can feel, can tell, that he is restraining his urge his incredible need to claim you. Three centuries have passed, since he last made love to you; the man is drowning in a torrential sea of desire - that is your body.

Kylo trails kisses from your breasts down to your belly his hands spreading your thighs apart as you watch his raven locks shift lower between your legs. You raise up, wanting to protest at what is about to come next when he beckons you to relax.

His plush lips meet your womanly lips and it is so intimate to have any man’s mouth kissing and sucking your womanhood. You do not get the option of protesting for too long as Kylo’s skillful mouth seizes you in waves of pleasure, in which you could not fathom being brought to by just a mere mouth. Kylo is bringing you to heights of a splendid crescendo and it briefly pained you to know that this man, that Kylo Ren, has ached and has desired this moment for so long.

Kylo gifted you your first orgasm, at least, the first one in this life time. Your body pulsed and it shivered and there was nothing in this world to equate to it, to cumming via Kylo’s mouth except…

“Tell me if it hurts.” His velvety voice instructed. “Hold on to me.”

Kylo set free his throbbing cock from the confinement of the linen restraints and aligned himself with your entrance. “Deep breaths, just relax, it will be less painful to take me if you are relaxed.” You nodded to him.

You felt Kylo guiding his voluptuous cock in his hand as he slowly nudged his way inside of your channel. Inch by painful inch, you winced. “La Douleur Exquise.” He reminded you as he breathlessly spoke into your ear.

“Your cock is the definition of exquisite pain.” You affirmed.

Kylo would still his body when he saw your eyes squint from the pain. He assured you that he would go slow and he kept his promise. Kylo’s head was reeling at the notion of experiencing you as a virgin again. Your tightness was a test of his stamina as he immediately wanted to unburden his cum and fill you to the brim of your womanhood as he entered you and met with your virginal resistance.

When he felt your womanhood give way and become more accommodating to his size, he started to slowly rock into you. You moaned at the sensations, feeling his body rubbing inside of yours... the weight of his body atop yours; you were surrounded and dominated by Kylo.

His thrusting became more errant. He wanted to lose control as he thought it was time. Your body had come to accept his as you no longer winced when he pushed into you with a fuller force.

He wanted to pour all of his grief, his sorrow, his love and his lust... all of those centuries without you, he wanted to drown your body with a rampant, raging, blaze of passion, a passion so formidable that it could only be Kylo’s.

Kylo lifted you up to his chest, your legs clutching around his waist. He held you carefully but possessively, in his wrapped arms around your torso  with your slick, sweaty body gently sliding against his chest with each thrust. His mouth consumed yours and his lips and tongue seemed to thrust against yours as much as he was thrusting into you with his perfect cock.

“It could be like this between us every night, for eternity, if you would just allow it.” He panted against your neck. You bounced up and down on his cock his rhythm drove steady but gaining faster in pace. He alternated between holding you from the back of your thigh with one hand while the other arm still snaked around your waist. He sat on his knees, holding you to him, his thighs in a wider stance, therefor, opening you up while you rode his dick like it would be the last time.

“Do you feel how devoted I am to you? Do you see that neither time nor death separate us, that no ocean or land mass can divide us?” He hotly panted to you.

“Kylo!” You moan and gasped his name repeatedly while reaching the point of no return.

Kylo only needed to hear you crying his name, in order to make him spill into you. He rode his climax through, continuing to gently rock up into you even after ejaculating while letting himself grow soft inside you, not wanting to remove himself, not wanting to experiencing another exquisite pain; the loss, departure of your body.

Kylo caressed your face with gentle strokes and as he looked into your eyes, searching for an emotion of some sort... you, not sure which one he was hoping for.

You move to examine the wetness spilling down your thighs even though Kylo warned you not to be startled, you couldn’t help your eyes from widening at the site of all the blood tricking out of your womb.

“Is this, is this all mine?” You spoke with a slight panic in your voice.

“Calm yourself, darling… it is not your blood, at least, not all of it. When I ejaculate, it is tinged with blood. This is why I didn’t want you to worry about the sight, after our coupling.

Kylo brought you a cloth to clean yourself and the blood with. He was gentle, helping to clean your womanhood after staining you with his mark.

"I believe you said, that you would start from the beginning?" You wasted no time hinting.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its a roller coaster... hang on...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank everyone who has read this, it has been really fun crafting this story. I'd like to say, that I wanted to incorporate many of the things about past lives - the karmic connections, the traumas and lessons to learn and themes that repeat themselves in future lives (until you get them right/learn the lesson)... how some people are instantly drawn to someone while others detest them at first site or grow distant. This is what I tried to throw into the mix, with this chapter.

“Come, join me in a bath and we’ll talk.” Kylo extended his hand out to you.

Kylo led you to the room, where the oval bathtub resides. You quickly saw Jessa exiting the room as she, having supplied the warm bathwater, for the tub.

Kylo scooped you up into his arms and carefully lowered you into the bath tub. Next, you watched as he climbed in and lowered himself down to your level.

“You’re stalling.” You stated, rather frankly.

“Am I?” He smirked. You glared at him.

“We used to bathe together every time, right after we made love.”

“How did you become this way?” You shot to the point.

Kylo sat back, up against the curve of the oval tub and sighed.

“I would prefer to talk about the better memories, first, before it comes to answering this one. Indulge me, for I want to keep this moment with you as pure, for as long as possible.” Kylo’s face, now showing signs of being perturbed.

“You will get the answers that you seek.” He felt he needed to add.

You were feeling perturbed by him, yourself.

“Very well. Tell me, how many lives have I lived, since we were together? 

Kylo took several seconds to consider how he would answer.

“In the course of three hundred years, you have returned four times. Spanning two lives in one century, due to it being cut short. England, Germany, Ireland, and now - Austria.

“Which was the life, cut short? And how?”

The life in Ireland. It was prior to this one, in the 1600’s. You were only seventeen, when you fell from your horse, during a storm. The horse was startled by the lightning. It was a terrible accident, you broke your neck and there was a gash across your head.” Kylo pushed through the details, wanting to move away from it as quickly as possible.

You sat in silence, contemplating this information. 

‘Is that the reason, why I experience the bouts of neck pain; that it is not just from the posture of being a violinist?’ You thought to yourself.

“I couldn’t save you, I’m sorry.” Kylo lamented, catching you off guard.

“But you were there?”

“I wasn’t present when the accident occurred, no. I came to view your body, before they buried you. I was torn apart; was so senseless for you to have died that way and at such a young age.”

“The violin that I had recently given to you… I had gifted it to you, in that lifetime. I gave it to your father, to give to you directly. He had intended on having it buried with you, but I just couldn’t part with it; was enduring enough to have to part with you so suddenly, after I had just found you.”

“I would have came to you in that life time, had you not perished so early on. You were so young and beautiful and maker forgive me for those thoughts…I wanted to take you as my wife, but I decided to wait until you came of age. I held great influence over your father. I knew he was entertaining the notion of marrying you off, to me. I kept my distance, for fear of making you wary. What seventeen year old would want to be betrothed to a man who still looked twenty six?” Kylo chuckled softly.

You remained silent, staring down into the water of the bath tub. “You were twenty six when you became the vampire that you are?” You asked of him.

“Yes. And you were 20 when you died in England, in 1448. We were only married for six months, but had been together since childhood.”Kylo pressed on with changing the subject.

“I had the violin resurfaced. Its coloring, I’m sure you have wondered… it is stained with some of your blood, from your Irish lifetime. Morbid as it may seem, I wanted a form of memento mori, to remember you by.

Your eyes widened at this confession.

“A blood violin.” You softly whispered, to no one in particular.

Kylo moved closer to you, taking his hand and caressing the right side of your cheek.

Let’s continue this, at another time, hmm? It is painful, on both sides. Right now, I just want to have these rare and precious moments with you.” His brown eyes searched yours.

“Just one more question, Kylo.”

He nodded, signaling to proceed.

“How do you manage to find me, each life time?

Kylo smiled. “I can feel you. I sense you. And really, all I have to do is listen for the music. You tend to repeat your compositions, throughout your lives. I’ve done told you, nothing can separate us.” Spoken as nonchalant.

Kylo was touching you so gently and the way his lips slightly quivered after he spoke, you felt yourself falling under an unspoken spell, while gazing into his eyes. 

“Let me bathe in your life’s blood.” He asked of you, as he brought his lips closer to yours.

“Kylo…” You spoke his name in a dazed, spellbound whisper.

Kylo places his hands on either side of your neck, holding your attention directly to his gaze. “Will you trust me?” He asked you.

Your head started to swim, you were feeling a bit like wanting to fall asleep, while gazing into his eyes.

“Shhh, don’t take your eyes off of me.” He softly instructed, as his thumb now ran across the bottom of your lip.

Kylo then reached over to a small table, that stood beside the oval tub. Lying atop of the table, was a small straight edge razor.

Kylo never took his eyes off of yours, as he reached over for the blade.

So very gently, as if your lips were delicate porcelain that would shatter, he pushes his mouth against yours. You were feeling heady. Your arms, now splayed out, were hanging over on either side of the tub’s rims.

“That’s right my love, just look at me.” Kylo’s incubus lure, kept you fixated as he brought the straight razor, against your jugular. Your head languidly fell back as the blade conjured a thin line of blood, rushing from your skin, snaking its way down your collarbone, to your chest, with a line of blood dripping down and off from your nipple; off of your left breast.

Kylo returned the blood stained blade, back to its former position, on the table.

Your eyes fluttered as Kylo moved to consume the rushing wound, with his mouth. He lapped with his wet tongue, slowly licking and healing said wound, in the process. Oh how Kylo wanted to sink his canines into your tender flesh, wanting to penetrate, to take possession. Kylo knew he would not be able to stop himself, once he had. He had to remain in control, at all costs.

Kylo leaned back and feasted on the sight of your debauched body. He was the most aroused, that he had ever been. Your arms splayed over the tub, head tilted back with your mouth agape, hair wet and causing your tresses to wave and the sight of the remaining blood, how it trailed a winding path down your torso. He watched as tiny droplets of your blood, how it dripped down into the water, dripping off from your nipple. Kylo took his swollen length into his equally sized hand and gripped it hard, exhaling a hissing sigh from against the pressure of his hand, trying to bring focus as his dominating predatory instincts started to rise up, within him.

So softly, you were moaning. You were bathing in a state of euphoria. Kylo made sure that you would experience no discomfort, in order for him to sate his selfish desires. 

And selfish, Kylo is.

Kylo’s desire raged like a tempest, his mouth was now heatedly ravaging against yours. His arms were around you, pulling you up to his body. He was on his knees in the tub, positioning your legs to straddle around his waist. He surrendered his self control and all he wanted to do in this moment was to devour you, body and soul.

His chest was heaving as he held you, your body pressed against him like a limp doll, with your head resting on his shoulder. You were so relaxed in this euphoric state, you didn’t care what Kylo was doing to your body.

A loud moan escaped your lips the moment that he pushed his thick cock into you. His hand was running through your hair as you gazed languidly into his eyes through half lidded ones, of your own.

“Do you have any idea, how much I want you? The depths of my desire are as infinite, as I am eternal.” Kylo hissed, against your ear as he softly kissed the shell of your ear.

The fury of his fucking, picked up. Your hands were bracing your body as they gripped the rims of the bath tub. Kylo’s hands were firmly rooted around your waist; holding you close to him as he jack rabbit his cock into you, as if it was some kind of marathon race to see how fast he could take you.

Your breast bounced in his face. Alternating between panting and moaning, Kylo would suck and lap at your nipples. 

Kylo’s thrusting was so vigorous that it created mini tidal waves, causing the blood water to splash over the sides of the tub. The sound of the water sloshing to Kylo’s thrusting rhythm, sounded like a new form of music to your ears. 

As Kylo came, both of his hands were gripping the back rim of the tub behind you, caging you between his arms while you continued to grip the side rims as he slowly came down from his climax; still continuing to push into you, only at a more docile pace. His breathing was erratic and his breath was warm and feathery against the side of your neck as he whispered your name repeatedly, with passion as the last of his cum spurted into your womb.

Kylo held you in his arms, in a possessive embrace.

“Its time for you to rest now, my love.” He whispered to you.

****

The following night…

You were pulled up into a fetal position, writhing and clutching at your stomach. There was blood and pain, you were cold and soaking wet. You were crying hysterically. Next, torrent flashing images of Kylo, with what appeared to be him fucking another woman, who had olive skin and black hair, raced across your vision. She was moaning as his plump lips ran along her collarbone and there was blood, lots of blood.

You bolted upright in the bed. Your chest was frantically heaving, you had taken to hysterics. You pulled back the covers, feeling a wetness. “No-no-no-no-no!” You chanted in rapid succession. “This can’t be happening again!” You exclaimed, as you gathered the blood soaked fabric of your gown into your hands, as if this notion would make it all go away.

Kylo came bolting through the door, racing over to meet you on the bed. His hands clutching at your arms, he saw the large blood stain on the front of your nightgown.

“Don’t touch me!” You hissed at him.

Kylo released his hold on your arms and backed away, to give you breathing room. “Hey, hey, its ok. You were having a nightmare.”

You were shaking, visibly confused and distraught. You broke down into tears.

“Shhh...shhh..” Kylo slowly embraced you from your side, your hands clutching onto his arms as you fell into his side embrace.

“Everything is alright, my love.” Kylo cooed. “You were just having a bad dream, probably influenced by your monthly cycle arriving.”

“Do you want to tell me what you were dreaming about?”

You looked up at Kylo, the images of him with that other woman, flashed in your mind’s eye. “No.”

“Very well.” He replied.

Kylo gestured with his body, pulling you down onto the bed, to sit with him. You stared at the blood stain on the front of your gown.  
“I’ll send Jessa to help you get cleaned up, she will bring you the necessary items, that you will require.”

****  
The next day…

You were practicing your violin, in the blue room. Kylo was upstairs, locked away in darkness. He could, however, hear you playing.

Suddenly, you were rendered by a series of violent coughs. You dropped your bow, as the coughs took you by surprise. The music came to a screeching, shrilling, halt.

Silence echoed throughout the manor. Kylo’s eyes widened as he laid there, paralyzed, by the diminished sound of your violin.

The music did not continue after that day.

****

3 days later…

You found Kylo standing in the replica room, peering up at the portrait painting, of your wedding day. It now hung on the wall, beside the bridal bed.

His back was facing you, when you stopped in the doorway, leaning against the door frame.

“Kylo…” you said his name in a foreboding tone. “Something is wrong…” With that, you felt weak and were struggling to keep yourself upright.

Kylo came to your side, collecting you into his arms. You could hear faint whimpering coming from him, but you were too dazed, too weak to ponder it further.

Kylo carried you to your bed and summoned a physician. While you were being examined, Kylo paced up and down the hall, in front of your door, like an anxious caged animal.

The physician departed your room and without words, Kylo knew. His lips trembled. 

Kylo entered your bedroom. You were propped up against many pillows to try and ease your discomfort.

“How long have you known?” You asked him.

Kylo couldn’t bring himself to look directly at you, instead, choosing to keep his head bowed, as he sat in the chair that was positioned beside your bedside.

Tears were now streaming down your face.

Kylo’s husky voice, spoke. “The day the music died. You have never faltered with that instrument.” Kylo turned his head to the side, revealing only his profile. He couldn’t bear it.

Since that day, when you faltered with your violin, dropping the bow, you had not played since then. The music stopped. It indeed, had died.

“He says its a consumption, the ‘white plague’. Probably contracted it, while at the concert hall, with all those people in attendance.” You informed him.

“You should rest.” Kylo urged. You were feeling weak and felt the need to sleep. Your chest was hurting and taking deeper breaths pained you. Blood started to accompany your spittle, when you coughed. 

When you slept, you were plagued by your dreams, scenes from former lives. You tossed and turn. The images of seeing Kylo with that woman, what he had done to her, the blood - haunted you the most. And all the losses.

You would awake during the night, to find Kylo slumbering, in the chair next to your bed. Even as he slept, he looked so weary.

****  
5 days have now passed…

At sunset, you carefully made your way to the stone room. You were gaunt, having lost a lot of weight so quickly and not having the desire to eat in the last few days. Your body ached, your breathing was shallow. You knew, you were running out of time.

You stood in the center of the room, looking around, standing before all of the collected memories, the possessions, that Kylo carefully held on to.

You heard Kylo, standing in the door way, gazing upon your malaise figure.

You did not turn to acknowledge him, only speaking. “I wanted to see it, one last time.”

“You should be in bed, not up walking around.”

You slowly made your way to the columned poster bed and sat at the edge, wrapping your arms around the large carved pillar, in order to support your gaunt, frail body.

“It doesn’t have to end like this.” Kylo said, pained in his expression and voice.

“I want it to, Kylo.” Kylo looked at you, quizzically.

“I remember, Kylo.”

Kylo turned his head away, from your view.

“Why must you prolong my suffering? Hmm?” Kylo’s tone spoke with anger as she shot a bitter glance, in your direction.

“The same reason as to why you prolong my suffering.”

Kylo looked taken aback, by your statement.

“My only reprieve from you is in death.” You stated, as you stared directly at him. Kylo’s face winced.

“You… you no longer love me… do you?” Kylo wore the most pained expression on his face as he shook his head slighty as if dazed. His mouth quivered, the light in his eyes filled with sorrow.

“Do you think that I would love the thing that you’ve become? Or, love my captor who enslaves memories, memories that are tainted and white washed?”

“I don’t understand?” Kylo spoke with confusion.

“You left me alone, disappeared. I had no idea where you were. For two weeks I thought you were dead to me. And then… that night, in our own bed, you were fucking this girl with a wild abandonment and you butchered her, her blood was everywhere. I saw, saw through the cracked opening of the door. Saw my husband made into some kind of killer, some kind of animal.” You spoke with disgust in your tone.

“I fled that night, with the both of us.”

Kylo shook his head… “both?”

“Yes, Kylo. I was carrying your child. You killed us both that night.”

Kylo fell to his knees, against the stone floor. His hands gripped into the cold stone, he was sobbing. Crimson colored tears, fell from his eyes.

“I miscarried that night. The trauma of seeing what you had become, it was too much and the pain of seeing you recklessly fucking another woman...” You sneered, as you fought to hold back tears of your own.

“They never told me!” Kylo exclaimed at you.

“When I found you in that infirmary, you were delirious with a fever, they told me that they found you in an alley, you were drenched from the storm, that an influenza took hold. I never knew about the child.” He said, through sobs.

“You were so afraid of me. I begged you to let me save you and you rejected, you called me a monster. I tried to explain how I could save you…” Kylo hung his head in shame.

“I couldn’t come home to you, I was plague ridden, I couldn’t jeopardized you as well. I had only days to live when… she had found me.” Kylo started to confess.

“In the tavern. I was beside myself about how I would tell you, that you were about to lose your husband. Then, she - Marisol, approached me. She offered me salvation. Told me that I could live for eternity, that I was too beautiful to let death take me. I thought I was delirious from my malaise, but then….”

Your breathing had become more strained.

“She sired me that night. What you saw… that was after my turning, it was just blood lust. She meant nothing to me, I can’t even remember what she looked like!” Kylo spoke with conviction, to defend himself.

“Was it blood lust, when you killed William?” Kylo’s eyes shot open.

“Yes, I remember William. You murdered him, didn’t you?” You said poignantly.

“My fiance, in my German life time.”

“I’m not sorry for that.” Kylo hissed.

“You’ve taken everything that ever meant anything to me, away.”

“I tried to let you go, I tried to let you love another, but I couldn’t stand it!” Kylo screamed at you.

“As long as I am in this flesh, in this body, I am still your husband!”

“No. I am just your prisoner. Shackled to you through time.” You lamented, while adding… “I lost William’s baby, too, after I learned of his death; how he was found, murdered.”

Kylo swallowed hard. “I was angry. I knew you were carrying his child. The pain I felt… yes, I was jealous. His child was growing inside of you instead of mine. I couldn’t let another man have you, you’re my wife, you will always be my wife!”

“You’re the mask of death, reaping everything that I have ever loved. Because of you, I fear to become a mother, I fear having a child. I gave up on finding love, finding happiness from all those losses.”

“You did love me once, and you can again.” Kylo was desperate, as he was on his knees, imploring to you, while reaching out his hand to caress your face. You shied away from his gesture, by turning your head away from his hand.

“Release me, Kylo.” You whispered. 

“I will never let you go.” His voice quivered, as he glared his eyes at you, as if you dare defy his declaration.

“I have been through three centuries of hell for you, and this is how you treat my love, for you? While I laid in agony, after each of your passing's, knowing you thought me a monster, I stood in the shadows guarding what is mine, waiting, waiting for the day for you to submit. I never wanted to take you by force because of my love for you. I wanted you to accept me, submit to me willingly.

“I’m not willing, Kylo. You’re in love with the past, in love with memories. I have moved on, or try to move on. You, you’re frozen.”

Something in Kylo snapped, in that moment. It was too much for him to bear. There was a wild and untamed look in his eyes. He seized you in his arms, no longer caring for your fragility. He was straddling your hips, pinning you to the bed. You screamed, your chest aching, breath hitching over and over, struggling against him but you knew it was useless. Even if you had been healthy, his sheer size and power rendered you helpless. He could take whatever he wanted. And now, he was taking you with all of his rage and hurt at your rejection. Kylo no longer cared if you would submit willingly, he was past that point of no return.

Kylo’s sharp teeth punctured your flesh, you howled out in a bitter cry. Your heart raced as he drained your body, of its ill blood.

Your heart beat was slowing, you felt the life draining from you. Short, but in rapid succession, panting breaths followed. The last image before your life faded away, was of Kylo above you, his lips stained with your blood, chest heaving, the fury in his eyes had not faded.

Kylo slit his wrist and pressed his weeping blood against your mouth. The blood flowed over your tongue and down into your throat. Several seconds later your eyes bolted open, with a startle and with hitching gasps, you inhaled your first immortal breaths.

Your chest was heaving, your mind spinning, and all of your sensations were heighten to the maxim power; it was actually maddening - the overload of sensations you were experiencing. Emotions unfurled at a rapid rate, all at once you inherently felt them - love, lust, sadness, hate, grief… all of your life’s memories played at once.

Kylo stood at the foot of the bed, observing your debauched blood stained body. Blood was soaked onto your gown and onto the bed linens. It was a similar scene the night that you witnessed his blood lust, with Marisol.

You stared at him, gravely.

“You now have an eternity to learn to love me, once more.” Kylo said, sneeringly with a touch of arrogance in his tone.

Hearing Kylo’s revelation, a single blood stained tear rode its way down, from the corner of your eye, adding itself like one more chapter of history, to the already stained bridal bed, in which your immortal body lay.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Closure....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wanted to provide some closure... I hope I have done this justice. Its sort of along the lines of "You don't know what you've got, until its gone."
> 
> At the end of the chapter, you will find some visual images, referenced in the story. Also, I make reference to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. If you have never heard this beautiful piece of work, I am providing a link, in which you can hear it and you will get a sense of how Kylo's playing, would sound.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvCEkSeJK2I

Your turning, was not easy for you to endure. Your emotions were left unchecked and you raged; oh how you raged. Your blood lust was insatiable the first week, and you were cruel.

Kylo heard moaning coming from the blue room. You had refused to share his bed, after what he had done to you. Kylo was approaching the room, the door was ajar, your moaning was highly salacious. You knew he was present. This was what you had wanted. You wanted him to witness.

Kylo stood in the darkened doorway. You were riding some stranger, that you had found, in the nearby village. Moaning his name - William.

Kylo was paralyzed. You wanted him to feel what you had felt, when you stumbled upon him and Marisol, that night. You wanted Kylo to feel the hurt and the betrayal, to see you with another man, a man giving you immense pleasure, a man that wasn’t Kylo.

As your rode ‘William,’ with sensual undulations of your body, you opened your eyes to see Kylo standing there, observing. A small smirk curled upon your lips. You leaned back, placing your hands on the tops of William’s thighs. William was dripping blood from his neck. He was too entransed to be aware of what was really going on.

“Enough!” Kylo yelled in a fury.

Kylo stormed over to the bed, you quickly hasted away in his ambush. Kylo took hold of William and quickly snapped his neck, ending his life on the spot.

“We’re now even, understood?” Kylo issued you a warning, with a hiss.

“We’re far from being equal, my darling.” You retorted.

“Clean up your mess.” He commanded, as he turned and brusquely left the blue room.

You felt satisfied with your actions.

****  
You hadn’t played the violin since your turning. It was a bit of rebellion on your part, not giving Kylo the satisfaction of hearing you play. And, you had destroyed the crimson violin.

The night of your turning, you were filled with anger and rage, as you stormed the stone room and demolished its contents. You were in a lot of emotional pain and you wanted to hurt Kylo, the best way that you knew how, by erasing the memories of your past life together.

You overturned the tables that held all of the jewelry. The bridal gown, you ripped into shreds with your dagger. Next, turning your attention to Kylo’s most held dear possession - the wedding portrait. First, you slashed the dagger’s blade down the face of Kylo, but still seething, you slashed the dagger in-between the two of you, symbolically dividing, separating you from him.

After that night, just like the painting, you two were divided. You lived in the manor, keeping to your room, mainly. When you need to feed, you took to the town, alone, using the carriage.

As time went on, Kylo tried to reach out to you. You would make small talk with one another and over the years you would travel to other countries - France, England, Scotland; renting opulent dwellings. You always returned to Vienna, as that is where the music lived.

Kylo was never far behind. Even when you traveled into town, you were never alone. You attended operas and concert halls, while he remained in the shadows, watching over you. But you had other plans. It was time to liberate yourself, from Kylo’s eternal imprisonment.

****

October, 1824

Your hatred for Kylo had not subsided, not even after all this time, after you were turned. You resented him with each passing day. And then, you formulated a plan, to lure Kylo into a false sense of security.

You knew Kylo was eager for a reconciliation, and that he thought that you just needed time, and that he could wait for you to come around. After all, what is time to an immortal?

And so, you started approaching Kylo. more than before. You invited him on your moonlight walks, out into the courtyard and around the grounds of the manor. Even going so far, as to let him steal kisses, when he felt bold enough, to do so.

“I’ve missed you.” You softly told him, as you walked along the moonlight path.

“I’m tired of this disconnection between us.” You added.

Kylo paused in his walking, turning to face you. He brought his hand up to your cheek, lightly caressing your skin with delicate strokes.

“Do you mean what you say?” He asked.

You lowered your gaze, from his. “Yes.”

Kylo pulled you in for a gentle kiss.

“This is all I have ever wanted, for us.” Kylo softly spoke, as he searched your eyes.

“I know.” You replied. “I am just too willful for my own good.”

“Share my bed, tonight. Let us be joined together as husband and wife, once again.” Kylo whispered, in a hopeful tone of voice.

“Yes, of course...Ky.” You put on a faux smile for him and the luring began. You knew that it would strike his heartstrings, to hear you refer to him as ‘Ky,’ once more.

Kylo lead you to his bedroom, that night. He was being gentle, as if you were made of fine porcelain. He wanted to take this slow, it was sort of like a second wedding night, redux. The last time that Kylo intimately had you, was in the bath tub, before your turning. Kylo knew your emotional state was still fragile, still volatile, so he proceeded with caution.

Kylo wanted this more than anything and this much, you knew. You had planned this well, you thought. What you didn’t plan on, was the way that Kylo would invoke those old feelings, those sensations, that only he, as your husband, could bring you. You wrestled with yourself, if you should go through with your initial plan, or to simply forgive him and let bygones be bygones.

Kylo was all over your body. Tousled up in the bedding, his lips practically touched every inch of your body as if you were an oasis and he was trying to quench an unquenchable thirst.

You found yourself on your knees, in the middle of the over sized bed, as Kylo’s lips trailed down your spine, his hands finding purchase wherever his fingers could find your skin. He suckled at your neck, his dark wavy hair would brush against your shoulders in soft, feathering sweeps, against your skin. Kylo’s mouth and hands, were worshiping every inch of your body.

You bid Kylo to lay down on the bed. Climbing up on him, you straddled his thighs, letting his hardness brush against your sex. Kylo bucked his hips, eagerly wanting to be inside of you. “Not yet, my love.” You softly chided him.

“Close your eyes.” You instructed him. Kylo did as he was told.

You ran your hands up and down his chest. Despite your conflicting feelings against him, you couldn’t deny the power of Kylo’s body, how, he was essentially the perfect lover. Kylo is sensual. He could be rough and dominating, but his style was more to pleasure you through your senses. The stroking of his hands, gliding over your sensitive skin. The way his full lips sucked and nipped at your neck. His breathy whisperers into your ear, while coaxing you into climax.

Kylo was growing impatient, his need to be inside of you was wearing thin. He gripped his throbbing cock in hand, stroking his length, wanting to feel some relief, some sort of friction, wishing his dick was rubbing you raw on the inside.

You closed your eyes as you lowered yourself onto his cock, inch by inch you sank upon his impalement. Kylo hissed, his eyes flew tightly shut as a moan escaped his lips. His hands clasped your hips. You stilled yourself, adjusting to his size. You were now sheathed to the hilt, of Kylo.

Surprising Kylo, you started rocking against him. Undulating your hips and belly with a rhythmic motion. You were sure Kylo would finish in that instant, by the sounds that he was making. You needed this, despite your feelings, you could not deny fucking Kylo, one last time.

Kylo pushed up into you with wild abandonment. Your hips match his in rhythm. His hands never wavered from your hips. He was going to remain inside of you, at all costs.

His orgasm was building, his moans and stuttering breaths sped up.

“Tell me… that you love me.” Kylo beckoned to you, on a breathy wave of desire, in his voice.

You leaned over, bringing your breasts to brush against Kylo’s chest. His hands were running through your hair, his brown eyes imploring into yours. “Say that you love me.” His mouth brushed against yours, as he closed his eyes, almost needy in his request.

Your right hand snaked under the pillow, in which his head lay, drawing something out, from under it.

“I love you, Kylo…” you answered him, making him cum hard into you when he heard his heart’s desire spoken… “but I also love my freedom, more.”

In the throws of his orgasm, Kylo did not register that last part, as he opened his eyes to find you bringing down the silver dagger, straight into his heart.

The blade crashed into his chest, as a piercing gasp and a choke escaped Kylo’s mouth. His eyes widened at the sight of you, still straddling atop him.

 

Kylo’s left hand clutched at the handle of the immersed dagger, while his right arm extended languidly, to touch your face with his hand. His mouth was slightly agape, shocked in his expression, the realization of what you had just done, sinking within him. Blood stained tears, began to roll from his eyes, at your betrayal. Kylo’s chest is now heaving, you quickly removed yourself from his body, as you watched him gasp for the last few remaining breaths. His eyes widened at your receding figure, as if pleading with you, to not abandon him… as you stood in the door way and watched Kylo's eyes fall close, and the air in the room stilled.

You placed yourself into the hallway, with your breathing now labored, you slide down against the wall, onto the floor. What have you just done? How had you the courage, to free yourself from his imposed imprisonment?

You gathered yourself enough to return to the bedroom. You found yourself paralyzed at the sight, that lay before you. No longer was Kylo’s body laying on the bed. Now, all that laid there were ashes, in the shape of a tall body. You somehow managed to make your way to the side of the bed, now kneeling down, hand hovering just above the ashes, afraid to touch and yet, confused and in wonderment of how his body was reduced to ashes. The consequence of your actions were just now taking ahold. You began to sob, your cries echoing a cacophony in the opulent bedroom.

Never will you look into those dark brown eyes again… never will you see that smirking, arrogant smile that he would flash. Never will you feel the length of his body smothering yours, again.

Your newest servant, Lillian, came inquiring to your sobs. She startled at the site of you sobbing, blood tears staining your face, and the pile of ash upon the bed.

“My lady.” Was all that she could offer to the situation.

Lillian tried to console you, by embracing you into her arms, but you brushed her off. Lillian peered down at Kylo’s ashes, and out of curiosity, you found her hand hovering above the ashes, hesitant to touch, but wanting to, just to see if she wasn’t dreaming; needing a tangible proof of what she was witnessing.

“Don’t you touch him!” You hissed. Lillian quickly retracted her hand, and excused her self from the room. She had already witnessed too much, and she was going to have to be dealt with.

****

You had collected Kylo’s ashes and stored them in a decorative box and kept them beside your bed. The box that housed Kylo’s remains, featured a long stem rose, molded out of metal, that adorned the top of the box with its realistic, sharp thorns. The box was carved out of marble.

You had not expected to feel these levels of emotions, after ending Kylo’s life. The level of grief oppressed you immensely. It was only then, just a few days later after your treacherous act of betrayal, did you start to feel, to wonder, if this was how Kylo had felt for you, over your centuries of deaths. You spent the nights sobbing, as you were inconsolable and now - all alone.

You began to miss his presence. You took to sleeping in his bedroom, forgoing the blue room. Kylo’s scent still permeated in the bed and in the room, and it gave you a sliver of comfort.

Dreams of Kylo would haunt you, in the coming months. Mostly, seeing his dying expression, replayed over and over; the tears that fell from his eyes at the realization of what you had done, as he lay there with his hand gripping the dagger that was shattering his wounded heart, when all that Kylo had asked, was for your love, that night.

In some measure of attempted penance, you would sit on the side of the bed, near Kylo’s box of ashes and play the violin, as if it would in some way, appease him to know that you would still play for him, knowing that it was his favorite past time - when you played only for him.

****

November 2, 1825

It has been a little over a year, since Kylo’s passing, at your hands. Every day was a struggle. It wasn’t suppose to be this way. You were suppose to be free, that was the plan.

You had recently hired a new servant, a young girl by the name of Isabella. You had instructed her, in how you wanted the manor to be kept tidy. Giving careful instructions when it came to the bedroom, Isabella was only told that the marble box was the resting place for your deceased husband’s ashes and that nothing on the nightstand, was to be touched.

You had headed out to the village that night, to feed. You had let yourself go far longer than you should have, without feasting. Most of your nights, you had laid in Kylo’s bed while talking to his ashes, or playing your violin, or being tormented in haunting dreams of the past.

Isabella was cleaning the bedroom, that night. Taken in by curiosity, she walked over to the marble box and peered at it, contemplating how she had never seen deceased remains, let alone - ashes of the deceased. She admired the ornate box, trailing her finger over the smooth marble sides, letting her finger ride up to the carved rose. She lifted the box’s lid, only to quickly wince and let the lid fall back into place. Her index finger was pricked by the rose’s sharp metal thorns. Quickly, she opened the lid again to peer inside at the remains, to finish what she had set out to do in the beginning, not realizing the extent of the thorn’s prick; her blood began to drop into Kylo’s ashes.

“Isabella!” You exclaimed, feeling protective of Kylo’s ashes, as you witness the girl touching the marble box. She slammed the box’s lid shut fervently, at your intrusion.

“Forgive me, my lady…I…” she trailed off. The two of you stood back, as you heard a little rattling noise, coming from the box. The marble box began to vibrate. Your eyes widened, trying to understand the actions set into motion. “Run! Leave this house and never return!”

Isabella wore a confused and horrid expression, upon her face. She gathered her long skirts and quickly fled.

The marble box vibrated with such a force that it fell from the nightstand, crashing to the floor; Kylo’s ashes now lay in a dumped pile.

“This cannot be happening.” You whispered, as your eyes widened in astonishment, looking over Kylo’s ashes. Suddenly, the ashes started to transform before your very eyes. You could make out a skeletal structure starting to form, as parts started to cohere into muscles, tissues, tendons etc. Blood was oozing over the muscles as flesh started to grow and cover the exposed organs.

You stumbled back, on your way to the door, almost tripping a second time. You fell to your knees, when you made it to the door way, looking back at the body that was reforming in front of your very eyes. Kylo’s body.

Gasping, you fled from the room, making your way downstairs and running out into the courtyard.

Kylo’s body lay on the floor in the bedroom. When his body was done regenerating, his eyes sprung open and he sucked in his first immortal breaths, gasping loudly. His pupils were wide and blazing wild.

You had just closed the double doors, that led into the courtyard. You inhaled the night time air. Your chest heaving, mind racing. Kylo was reformed, in the flesh again, but how could you face him… after what you had done? You had never been afraid of Kylo, until this moment.

You did your best to still yourself, as you calmed your breathing; you waited and listened. You knew it was futile to run. Kylo would sense you, would find you, if that was his intended goal.

It seemed like hours had passed when only a few minutes have… that is when, you heard the opening bars of the first movement, of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata being played, from the music room.

Your heart filled with terror. There was such an eeriness to how it was being played, so many emotions were being conveyed through the melody. Sorrow and longing.

You took a deep breath and carefully slipped through the double doors. You made your way into the music room. It was dark, only a single candle illuminated the room.

You gasped, when you saw Kylo at the piano, with the marble box that once held his ashes, sitting atop the piano. You inherently knew the meaning behind this chosen piece of music. Kylo admired Beethoven, and the Moonlight Sonata always invoked such raw emotion in him. Everyone has an interpretation for it, that Beethoven composed it from unrequited love, others, saying it contained no romantic sentiments. But not Kylo, he felt it’s longing and he expressed it, when he did Beethoven the honor, to play his sonata with pure passion.

You stood there, chest heavy and heaving. A mix of emotions ran through you. Elated to now have Kylo back, back from the dead, something you thought would never be possible. All the while, the feeling of terror and of your betrayal ran through your mind. How was he going to deal with what you had done to him? The man, who has loved you unconditionally since the moment you had become joined, as man and wife.

Kylo played while looking intently into your eyes. It seemed like you were locked into an eternal eye stance, as he played. You tried to plead with your eyes about how sorry that you were and begging for forgiveness.

As Kylo came to the coda, he finished the final note and stood, taking hold of the marble box and walking toward you. You remained where you stood, semi-frozen, not knowing if you should run or remain still.

As Kylo loomed toward you… “is this how little, you regard me?” He said, as he tossed the marble box at your feet, it rolled to a stop with the hinged lid, opened.

Your chest heaved frantically, you turned to flee through the door but Kylo was faster and his large hand held the door closed. You swallowed hard and closed your eyes as you face the barricaded door with Kylo standing right behind you.

“If you run, you know that it will make me chase and hunt you, all the more.” Kylo spoke, feeling the first breath of his resurrection, against your ear and neck.

“What am I to do, with you?” Kylo asked aloud.

Kylo slowly turned you around, placing you into his caged arms, trapping you between his body and the door. You peered into his soft brown eyes as your eyes welled with tears.

“I’m so sorry.” You sobbed, mouth quivering.

“Not as sorry, as I am.” He replied.

“Kylo.” You spoke his name.

“I have always been your fool, haven’t I? Laying my trust in your hands, giving you all of my love as a lovesick fool would do.”

“I was wrong, Kylo!” You pleaded to him.

“No, I am the one who was wrong. You are unworthy of my love!” Kylo hissed back at you, causing you to cry uncontrollably. You sank to the floor, on your knees.

“I do love you, Kylo!” You shouted at him.

Kylo scoffed and made a look of disgust with his mouth. “You expect me to believe a goddamn thing, coming out of your mouth, you treacherous bitch?” His pain clearly evident, in his choice of words.

Your face wore a wounded look, at his heated insult. Kylo had every right to be livid with you, after all, you had plunged a dagger into his heart during his climax.

“I didn’t think it would feel this way. I didn’t think I would feel the hurt, but I did and I still do. I wanted to be free. I was so angry at you, I felt like I was your prisoner. But then… then I felt it, the loneliness, the grief. I’m sorry Kylo, if you ever felt even a slight fraction of what I felt, when you had to watch me pass through life time after life time, and for my rejection. I realize how wrong I have been, and so blinded to my own selfish rage. All you had ever done was love me, protected me. And I once called you a monster, when in fact… I am a bigger monster, than you could have ever been.” You bowed your head in shame, upon confessing.

You saw Kylo’s eyes soften, felt some of the tension easing between the two of you. Kylo’s lips trembled. You have now received absolution.

“I have sought your love for three centuries...” Kylo whispered, with his head turned to the side, not looking at you. Your tears flowed more prominently at his statement.

“I will always be your fool.” Kylo added. “I would give up my life, for you, if it meant your lasting happiness; whatever was required, I would see to it, that it was done.”

“Kylo, please..” you softly begged through your crying.

“We’ve both hurt each other. I would never intentionally choose to hurt you, you do understand that?” He asked, while titling your chin up to look him in the eye.

Kylo kissed you, slowly pulling away and repeating, his kisses coming more frequent, with a hunger implied.

“I heard when you played the violin, for me.” He confessed. You sobbed. Kylo stroked your hair, in an effort to comfort you.

“I want to love you, Kylo.” You spoke into his eyes. His mouth crashed against yours.

Kylo lifted you up into his arms and carried your body, to his bedroom. Reaching the bed, he laid you atop it, quickly removing the pants that he had on, while coming to crash upon your body. You had missed this immensely. The weight of his body atop yours; feeling his breath upon your skin, the touch of his hands, the feel of his mouth.

Kylo separated the back of your dress in one swift tear of his hands, exposing your delicate shoulders and your heaving breasts. His mouth sought your skin, landing against the curve of your neck. Your arms wrapped round his neck, he broke your skin, his teeth piercing your flesh. The rush was heady, as his tongue lapped at the wetness.

You softly pushed Kylo back and away from you. His face looked puzzled. You gestured with your hand against his chest, bidding him to lie back on the bed. Kylo slowly fell back, as you moved to hover over his exposed chest.

You lowered your mouth, down onto his heart, where you had just a year ago, pierced it with that treacherous blade. You kissed that very spot over and over, with each kiss you spoke ‘I love you’, as if you were trying to heal the wound that you had inflicted, so long ago.

Kylo closed his eyes and soaked in this tender moment. He pulled you up to meet his lips. “We can start again, just between the two of us; you are not my prisoner. I can never stop loving you, but I will do as you ask; that's all you have to do, is ask. This will be our rebirth.” He gently whispered to you.

Kylo saw in your eyes, what he hadn’t seen in three centuries - your love reciprocated.

“Make love to me, Kylo.” All you had to do, was ask.

****  
Entering into the new century, 1900….

Kylo languidly kissed down your back, as you played your violin. This was how it was going to be, you and Kylo, for all eternity.

****

Some visuals of marble box that contained Kylo’s ashes, and the type of piano that Kylo played the Moonlight Sonata on…


End file.
